Friday, November 12, 2010

A Message From Vanessa:

Dearest Beauties that have held me in the Light,
I've been quite quiet on this blog since chemo and I apologize for that. Truth be told I'm very shy about sharing the experience of challenges while I'm experiencing them... These twelves doses of Chemo have humbled and taught me the ways of appreciation like nothing else before. In the beginning it hit me so hard I didn't think I could possibly survive... they tend to dose you as high as possible to see what you can handle and well, I didn't handle it so good at first, but they soon lowered my dose and although it knocked me right over so much that I needed help eating I could see that compared to the first dose I could get through the storm as long as I had my breath everything would be okay, just simply holding on to each breath and allowing it to fuel me life. I have so much to live for and that too is an integral key ingredient to surviving... I'm a MOM so the fact of the matter is there is NO other option but to survive and THRIVE... NO OTHER OPTION!

Healing really does take that kind of commitment and focus... and when it comes to personal healing one must really learn to be gentle with one's self and own one's innocence which can be a hard thing because as humans I think we judge ourselves more harshly then anyone else might and when something like this hits a small part thinks, do I deserve this... was it something I've done, am I to blame... and these thoughts are the last thing one needs at a time such as this...

I've been so blessed by the love that constantly surrounds me that all the little negative parasitic thoughts and feels have been forced into the light to be healed instantaneously and I am eternally grateful for this magic of love and support you have showered me with! It's the most humbling healing experience I have ever been through. I have never felt so complete as a human being because I feel completely ONE with all of you. You have made me surrender the fears and doubts with your love, laughter and grace. It has effected every cells in my body and I believe in this miracle that is happening to me as we speak and I am eternally grateful to each and every one of you for your holding the space for my miraculous healing!

I've experienced the harsh realms of the cancer world and I hope to use this to be able to bring a light to the harsh situations cancer patience have to go through. I have found that laughter is key and unconditional love is unmeasurable in it's ability to transform any situation one's faced with. I have experienced death intimately right before my eyes and I was happy to be with this beautiful women as she passed from a life of pain into the light. I have stared my own death in the eyes and it refused to look back at me because my soul was so loud screaming I BELIVE IN MY LIFE!, that even death had to take the back seat because I have too much LOVE and LIGHT to protect me and I have a MAGIC BOY that I'm here to celebrate life with and that is too important and powerful to be taken from me! It is my intension to see my grandchildren and even my great grandchildren... it's all in the focus... I believe there is always choice and I CHOSE LIFE!

Thank you all again for all the love and support, I can't do this without you and what a beautiful life this is because of you! I intend to make you proud one way or the other and always know that I am here for you as well... I am eternally grateful to you!